Straighten up and fly right

Remember the commander in Top Gun? The bald guy that’s constantly sucking on a cigar with that pissed off, old man, chip-on-his-shoulder attitude? I looked up Top Gun on IMDB and it turns out his name is Stinger.

I think Congress could really use him right now. Correction: I think we could really use him yelling at Congress. While driving home from work yesterday, I heard on the radio that the government has spent a trillion dollars in the last few weeks—money that, surprise, they don’t have. Was there ever a time when a short, bald, pissed off man was more needed to say “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash!”

James Tolkan is the actor who played Stinger. It’d be nice to hire him for the occasion. Have him walk on in to the Capitol Building and start kicking ass and taking names. Congress needs to get their act together. What are we on any way? Draft 471 of the bailout?

I don’t want to hear anymore of this “It’s the Republicans’ fault it hasn’t gotten passed yet” and “The Democrats aren’t helping; they’re going to make the problem worse!” I feel like I’m dealing with two children and I want to smack them both. I’m not suggesting that they slap together some half-assed stimulus package but the economy is going down faster than Monica Lewinsky.

We can’t wait any longer. Remember when Hollywood’s plane goes down and Stinger asks how long it will take to get another plane in the air? “Bullshit ten minutes! This thing is going to be over in two minutes! Get on it!”

Of course, the only people who are going to check Congress—and Obama, for that matter—are us. We are, collectively, Stinger. It’s up to us to impress upon each one of them that if they don’t work together; if they don’t stop being politicians and start being statesmen; “if you screw up just this much, you’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog sh*t out of Hong Kong!”